Washington, DC — At exactly 4:20 a.m. this morning, August 25, 2022, unknown agents swarmed the offices of Speaker Nancy Pelosi in search of classified and top secret documents that no one had a security clearance to have them or even view them, except the president, the FBI, and the Washinton Post. Since President Biden decided to reclassify everything that was ever documented before he was sworn in, as off limits to everyone except those listed above.
Unfortunately, Speaker Pelosi was in her office, slumped back in her chair, sipping a gin and tonic, and yelling into the speakerphone, telling her husband to renew his “High Profile” card and to rehire the chauffeur. After her phone conversation, Pelosi was questioned at length about all the files she had stashed and also more than 30 old napkins with scribblings on them.
As the agents were leaving her office, Pelosi reached into the top drawer and grabbed a small bottle, waved it at the men, and exclaimed: “Would you fellows like these too? It’s an old aspirin bottle with Mitch McConnell’s nads.”
*Update: (8-26-2022) I have been informed that Insider is also authorized by the Whitehouse to receive classified and top secret documents, files and information.