Washington, D.C. — Rumors abound that President Joe Biden has pardoned the group of cannibals who have been blamed for the disappearance of Biden’s uncle, Ambrose.
The president stated that along with this pardon, any surviving members or family members of the accused would be granted citizenship in the United States, along with free housing, food, education, and any other assistance, until after the election. After November 6, 2024, the additional privileges granted will be reviewed.
No one within the Whitehouse would confirm nor deny this information.
