Washington, DC — Attorney General Merrick Garland has declared war on the parents of school kids. Garland declared that he is pushing for a bill to absolve parental custody in order that the Governmental School Systems will be the guardians of the children. “Parents aren’t qualified or equipped to raise these children”, quipped Garland. “The parents do not have any interest in allowing the government to control the mind of these students. So, we must act quickly.”
AG Garland also stated that the parents have turned the government-run schools into a jungle, and the government is fighting back against these single-minded parents.
President Biden has not responded as of yet, due to his staff calling an early lid on his day!