Washington, DC — Rumors abound that Attorney General Merrick Garland is looking at a plan to shut down preschoolers who complain about their lunches. If parents are caught sending a homemade, packed lunch with their kids, the parents will be prosecuted.
Garland was quoted as saying, “We will not tolerate any parents who are trying to undermine the government, which is trying to brainwash these little hellions into youngsters who are much easier to manipulate. If parents try to stand in our way, they will assuredly, spend some time in a jail cell.”
