Washington, D.C – The Rev Dr. Zach Ackerman, of Done Fell From Grace Community Church, is under fire from his congregation. Rev. Dr. Ackerman, in his last appearance at his church, challenged the parishioners to all come with him, and follow him to another destination, because Jesus wanted to meet with them. The Rev. Dr. Ackerman, then prayed, and made his way out of the church, into the parking lot, and climbed into his car. Much to his surprise, not one member of the congregation had made it to their automobiles. There were a few of them that did manage to follow him outside into the parking lot. The pastor waited for a few minutes and then drove off, heading east, but no one followed him.
We spoke with a few of the members that were congregated in the parking lot, as they were buzzing about. As we made our way from one member of the family to another, trying to make sense of what they had just witnessed. A fellow who identified himself as Jim Lang said that he refused to go, simply because he didn’t get up this early on Sunday to go follow the preacher. “I always thought if Jesus wanted to see us, He would come here. This has to be some sort of joke.”
Don Seltzer said, “Does this man think we’re stupid enough to believe that Jesus will be wherever it is he’s going? Give me a break.”
Evie Leaf, who appeared to be struggling for words, finally stated, “I feel deceived. I come to this church because so many of my friends are here. We do everything together. We go out clubbing together, we go out to dinner together and we meet at church together. I never gave it a thought that this Jesus I keep hearing about was a real, living person. Heaven forbid, He’d want to see me.”
Kendall Reilly, who claims to be the member with the longest tenure claimed. “Preacher Zach has been out in the deep water for a few months, talking about how we could have some sort of personal relationship with this Jesus. Frankly, most of us here don’t have time. We work long hours, then have to socialize in the evenings, either with friends or work-related. Some of us have kids and have obligations to the schools and such. And then there’s the country club thing, golf outings. And of course, there’s the poker games, ball games, and then the wife is always complaining about not getting attention. And then this preacher comes along and says Jesus wants to meet us. Come on, man. Why doesn’t Jesus come here and just look at our calendars and see how busy we are?”